As I'm writing this right now, led Zeppelin is doing a private concert in my ears and I'm stretching my legs in this surprisingly spacious bus running on Gujarat roads, which are the single most admirable thing about the Gandhian state. I'm sitting in a bus full of mostly non gujjus (race joke alert). The high fashion quotient and the 2 cigarettes lying in my pocket are feeding me the momentary tranquility I so need. These are, mind you, not trivial things I'm writing here. They all took a great deal of effort on my part to achieve.
Now to begin with, I'm an employee of India's biggest private sector enterprise, Reliance industries Ltd. and I live in the township and work in the world's largest grassroots refinery, here in this chutiyap city of Jamnagar. Now if you are wondering, which I'm sure you aren't, but I must specify that I hate it here and I'm constantly making jokes about Gujarat and its alcohol ban on twitter, though all those jokes are effectively on me because well, I live here but I guess what I sent around came back around to anal me in the form of this incidence. Now this being the Diwali season and also the Metallica season (after 'Metallica' trending since weeks now it's only justified to call it the Metallica season more than Diwali), I had booked my tickets home in the only train that comes at this god forsaken place. The train happens to leave at 5 am and the all generous Mr Mukesh Ambani had arranged for a bus at 3 am from the township. But, as I had to surf the shit out of internet the previous night, I slept late and ended up getting up at 3:30 am, too late to catch that very bus. Since you already know I'm in the bus, there's no suspense but as if it mattered even when you were watching The Shawshank Redemption (sweating self confidence now!). So, when I got up and looked at the time I DID NOT think that there was a possibility that I had missed my bus, because had this thought in these exact words entered my brain, I would've never bothered to get my lazy ass up to try n catch the bus. Instead, my whole life flashed in front of my eyes. I got reminded of the enigmatic 4 years I had spent in Mumbai, living the life and dying several deaths in that city. I also got reminded of how many times my lips had touched the elixir of life, i.e. alcohol in the past 3 months, and the number is a pathetic 3. All this intertwined with some animated shots of 'my friends telling me to "be cool" in slow motion while leaving college' were running through my head. I must pause and say that our brain is a fantastic piece of machinery because this film which felt like eternity, played in a matter of seconds urging me to do everything possible to catch that vehicle which will help me get out of this place. So, I got my 'active' on and in seconds of getting up, ran to the reception wearing only boxers, asked him to call the township security and I called the shuttle (taxi) service using my cell phone which was the only thing I had picked up apart from the boxers. Now I simultaneously pleaded both to the security to stop the bus which they did and the shuttle guy to get to my building asap. Then I ran back to the room to get my clothes and travel bag only to discover that I had somehow miraculously NOT forgotten to bring the keys. This is important because we all know how Murphy's law becomes a bitch in all these situations. And in all the haste, I did not forget to get those 2 cigarettes which I'm so tripped out about because I will be needing those for the super early morning poop in the train. Kids, don't try this because it's illegal and of course because smoking kills but we all know there's nothing like a satisfactory dump. I felt like mumbai police that time. Doing everything perfectly and fast, but of course after waking up late initially. I swear if I had the physics Olympiad exam papers in my hand right now, I would've made my parents proud. My brain was and still is working so fast right now that I'm group whatsapping, writing this thing, listening to some good music and even stopping and staring. Yay I guess.
Now to begin with, I'm an employee of India's biggest private sector enterprise, Reliance industries Ltd. and I live in the township and work in the world's largest grassroots refinery, here in this chutiyap city of Jamnagar. Now if you are wondering, which I'm sure you aren't, but I must specify that I hate it here and I'm constantly making jokes about Gujarat and its alcohol ban on twitter, though all those jokes are effectively on me because well, I live here but I guess what I sent around came back around to anal me in the form of this incidence. Now this being the Diwali season and also the Metallica season (after 'Metallica' trending since weeks now it's only justified to call it the Metallica season more than Diwali), I had booked my tickets home in the only train that comes at this god forsaken place. The train happens to leave at 5 am and the all generous Mr Mukesh Ambani had arranged for a bus at 3 am from the township. But, as I had to surf the shit out of internet the previous night, I slept late and ended up getting up at 3:30 am, too late to catch that very bus. Since you already know I'm in the bus, there's no suspense but as if it mattered even when you were watching The Shawshank Redemption (sweating self confidence now!). So, when I got up and looked at the time I DID NOT think that there was a possibility that I had missed my bus, because had this thought in these exact words entered my brain, I would've never bothered to get my lazy ass up to try n catch the bus. Instead, my whole life flashed in front of my eyes. I got reminded of the enigmatic 4 years I had spent in Mumbai, living the life and dying several deaths in that city. I also got reminded of how many times my lips had touched the elixir of life, i.e. alcohol in the past 3 months, and the number is a pathetic 3. All this intertwined with some animated shots of 'my friends telling me to "be cool" in slow motion while leaving college' were running through my head. I must pause and say that our brain is a fantastic piece of machinery because this film which felt like eternity, played in a matter of seconds urging me to do everything possible to catch that vehicle which will help me get out of this place. So, I got my 'active' on and in seconds of getting up, ran to the reception wearing only boxers, asked him to call the township security and I called the shuttle (taxi) service using my cell phone which was the only thing I had picked up apart from the boxers. Now I simultaneously pleaded both to the security to stop the bus which they did and the shuttle guy to get to my building asap. Then I ran back to the room to get my clothes and travel bag only to discover that I had somehow miraculously NOT forgotten to bring the keys. This is important because we all know how Murphy's law becomes a bitch in all these situations. And in all the haste, I did not forget to get those 2 cigarettes which I'm so tripped out about because I will be needing those for the super early morning poop in the train. Kids, don't try this because it's illegal and of course because smoking kills but we all know there's nothing like a satisfactory dump. I felt like mumbai police that time. Doing everything perfectly and fast, but of course after waking up late initially. I swear if I had the physics Olympiad exam papers in my hand right now, I would've made my parents proud. My brain was and still is working so fast right now that I'm group whatsapping, writing this thing, listening to some good music and even stopping and staring. Yay I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment